Ben's book is great for the simple reason that he helps you recognize, and then deal with, bullies. IMO, a bully can be quickly identified as they respond to you by calling you ----phobe, or ---phobic, ---ist. If that doesn't immediately work, then profanity usually follows (WARNING: there is profanity further in this posting), and when that fails, veiled or explicit threats to your person, livelihood, reputation are thrown. Sometimes they actually follow through on those threats.
As Ben notes, these tactics are intended to silence those who would stand up for decency, time honored values, biblical standards, or those who simply say enough is enough! They usually work, because Americans usually quail at the thought of being labeled ----phobe, ---phobic, ---ist; worse, we waste time on the defensive when what we should really be doing is saying, "Thank you for sharing. The real problem is that YOU are a ____ (Gender, Race, Religious, Class) BULLY!"
The BSA/gay leadership issue falls into these aforementioned categories for me. I'm done with a small few demanding all that is good and decent be overturned, and then threatening me or my way of life in order to get what they want. This is an important issue for me. So as I have done on occasion before, I sent an email (cut & pasted my Feb 1 post) to everyone in my email address book.
I received two emails in response. One polite though emphatic, asked to be taken out of my contacts (I imagine he/she sends the same response to every LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter invite too.) The other, from Jen Johnsen (yes, I'm calling a bully out!) appears below. The only thing I regret is that I should have said explicitly YOU ARE A BULLY instead of my milk-toast "nice to see you're still pleasant" response. I have cut and pasted the entire conversation here (BTW, I haven't been a part of the organization to which she refers for two years) :
JEN: Take me off your anti gay, homophobic mailing list.
ME: done. nice to see you are as pleasant as ever.
JEN: I don't know who this is, But we are a family that does not believe on discriminating based on race religion sexual orientation etc. If someone wants to donate their time to kids, some gay men may very well do a better job that some straight ones. And for sure a woman could never do the job... Right? Your email makes me think of the word homophobia.... Except that you don't have a phobia... You're an asshole.
ME: thanks for sharing. nice to see you are your same old pleasant self.
JEN: Hi. Kathy. I'm going to be contacting the (name deleted for privacy) to Let them know you are using (name deleted for privacy) family emails for your personal political purposes.
ME: Hi Jen. Feel free. Be honest enough to forward this response as well: I sent an email to everyone in my contacts address book. This included ALL contacts, new, old or inactive.
JEN: I'm not sure what your reply means. When you sign up and give personal information for a child's recreational sport.....It is clear on the form it will not be used for purposes beyond communications related to the league. I'm curious if you are also using people's social security numbers and personal information for your own gain too. It is a slippery slope when you blur the lines. I have already sent a message to the (name deleted) board. I will also be contacting (different name) league to alert them to the fact that you have used personal player information to attempt to forward your anti gay personal agenda. Wouldn't it have been easier to just take me off the list and not have a smart reply? :-)
ME: I'm going to say this one more time.
I sent an email on an important issue to those in my email contacts book. My contacts address book auto-includes anyone who emails me, or that I have ever emailed. I do my best to keep it current, but am not always successful. So for example, when you emailed me this morning and asked to be removed from my address book, I did it.
Since then, you have emailed me back about 5 times. Every time you do it, you auto-add yourself back into my address book. Then I have to delete you again. While I am happy to do it, don't complain then, when you want to have the last word and end up back in my address book.
I don't have a (name deleted) mailing list. I think it is unfortunate that your clear hatred of me personally, spills over into other people's lives. Wishing you all the best;
You can see the classic bullying tactics in the above response. When calling me anti-gay or homophobic didn't send me screaming in apology, she resorted to more name calling and profanity. When that didn't get the desired response, she went to threats. Would you like to tell my mommy too?
There is a certain irony that I ran the Information Technology Division at Transamerica for years; 30% of my staff were gay, ALL of them asked to be transferred in to my division solely because I was the division head. I have always had only calm, thoughtful, respectful dialogue and conversations on "hot topics" with people who also happen to be gay.
On the other hand, I often am the recipient of heated, bullying epithets by people who aren't part of the topic group (in this case, someone who is not gay.) Interestingly, as I reviewed my email list, I found that it went to a few of my acquaintances who do happen to be gay. Didn't hear a peep from them; I imagine it's because they know that this is an issue I deem to be important, not, as Bully Jen would hurl, because I am anti-gay.
Highly recommend you get Ben Shapiro's book. It's an eye opener. And then don't condescend by getting defensive; simply stating in response to the bullying tactics, "You're A Bully," pretty much shuts down the attack. After all, they're not really looking for a conversation, to understand your position, or for you to understand theirs.
And I will not be silenced by bullies. Neither should you.
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