I've Got This: A new definition of Faith

I've acquired a new definition for faith this week.

Hebrews 11:1 tells us that "faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."(KJV)

While not disagreeing with or trying to show up the Apostle Paul, I believe I have found a better definition and standard of attitude: He's Got This.

I am a person of my word. If I say I'm going to do X, people know with absolute certainty that I will do it. They can pretty much take it off their "to do" list, because they know Kathryn's got it covered.

Yet before a few days ago, I did not treat the Almighty, Omniscient, Omnipresent, Creator of the Universe with the same conviction. I behaved as though I truly did not trust Him when He gave me His word that He would handle something.

Allow me to explain. Stay with me, it's a bit garbled.

I believe this passage of scripture is literal, and I attend a church which does also: "Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven." (James 5:14-15, NIV) I myself have been a recipient of being made completely well by the actions of this verse, which in my church we call "a blessing," so I know it is not just some vague mumbo jumbo.

When all this started with my DD18, she was given a blessing. She was told "she would be healed in the Lord's due time." Ok, to be honest, I was hoping for "take up thy bed and walk," but it's way better than "deal with it, this is the way it's going to be forever," (just saying.)

So why then, have I spent the past week behaving as though DD18's healing (she had a relapse) is entirely dependent on my actions instead of behaving and believing the word of the Lord that HE'S got this?

DD18 had pretty much refused to eat or drink this week. Not couldn't, just didn't want to. So I nagged. I threatened. I cajoled. Every once in a while for a nano amount, it worked. But not really. And it made me mad and frustrated. Ditto for medication. 

Then I was talking to a friend. She asked "the Lord's already told you He's got this handled and that He's going to heal her. Why don't you believe him?"

It was a lightbulb moment. I realized I had been behaving as though my works of righteousness were all that was needed to heal her. Somehow my forcing her to eat or drink miniscule amounts were going to be the factors that tipped the scales in her healing. I realized that I had not been behaving as though God had given me His word. In other words, I have given others the knowledge, the faith that they can 100% rely on me to get a job done, but I have failed to extend that same faith to God.

So I completely changed me. I decided to change my heart: to really put into practice the mantra of letting go and letting God handle it. I prayed a different prayer: God, I know now that you have given me YOUR word that you would heal her. I know with absolute certainty that you are a God of your word: that when You say you will do something, it will happen. I am going to step back and let you heal her in your own due time as you said you would. I will repent of my arrogance that somehow I can or should speed things along. I ask that you Forgive my arrogance and lack of faith. I ask that you bless DD18 with the desire to eat. With the desire to drink. I know that you've got this handled."

I want to share with you God's greatness and goodness. The very next morning, for the first time in a nearly a week, DD18 got up, ate breakfast on her own volition, drank 20 ounces of water on her own volition, and took care of her personal hygiene on her own volition. Still had to fight with her about medication, so I amended my prayer to include "and bless her with the desire to take her medication."

Yesterday DD18 had a great day. She was up for 13 continuous hours, ate breakfast and lunch, drank about 60 ounces of water, and took her medication on her own volition.

I believe that as James directs, that faith without works of righteousness is dead. In my case those works of righteousness are things like, purchasing the medication, having food my DD18 likes in the house so she can avail herself of it etc. I believe the opposite is also true: that works of righteousness without faith are dead too. I think our works of righteousness, though necessary, are really more like token gestures of obedience. That Grace covers about 95% of a situation. I had been behaving as though my works accounted for 90% and God only accounted for about 10%.

I've learned this week, truly learned, that when God gives His word, He means it. I can check it off my to-do list. I get the tools together (those are my works of righteousness and faith) and then step back and Let Go and Let God. 

I don't know why it's taken me so long to really internalize: He's Got This.

Praising God While the Storm Rages

Things seem to be calming down somewhat, Praise God. It's still somewhat tenuous on the medical front, but if this is as good as it gets, I'll take it.

Our landlord has decided to "evict" us. Technically, he's breaking our lease and wants us out by May 31. This too is evidence of the grace of God. I could be scrambling for the month of May while kids are graduating from school, so I am grateful for the small breaks.

It just means we pack up and head to Texas sooner rather than later. DH is going to end up staying in California for at least the month of June, if not the entire summer. We went to make an offer on a house in Texas and found the covenants and restrictions were a little "too California" for our taste (really? You "can't do anything on or around your property that will annoy the neighbors?" What the heck kind of a deed restriction is that ???) I'm already renting with neighbors on that kind of a power trip. I don't need to be buying in that kind of neighborhood. I choose to recognize the grace of God in preventing us (last minute info) from additional grief.

What looked like an unfortunate event (babysitting drying up) in hindsight, was a blessing this past month as it meant I had the entire month to devote to my daughter and clearing out the garage for our move. I replaced part of the income with baseball, and hopefully will be able to replace all of it.

The church down the road from us are having another charity drive: just in time for me to get rid of stuff ! Very excited to be getting rid of excess books, matching chairs, etc etc. without having to deal with freecycle. I choose to recognize the grace of God in helping us purge useful items but which we won't have to move.

I really need someone to cook for us for a while. Or else I need to invest in a bunch of frozen 'fast food.' I am exhausted by the time dinner should be made. Or else I just need to make dinner in the morning, and re-heat it at night. 

God lives. He loves us and blesses us. I heard a really great song today (and even went and bought it on iTunes.) It's by Casting Crowns and it's called "Praise You In This Storm." 

"I was sure by now, God you would have reached down and wiped our tears away, 

stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say "amen" and it's still raining.

As the thunder rolls, I barely hear you whisper through the rain: "I'm with you."

And as your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm, and I will lift my hands, 

and you are who You are, no matter where I am.

And every tear I've cried, You hold in Your hand: You've never left my side.

And though my heart is torn: I will praise You in this storm.

I remember when, I stumbled in the wind, You heard my cry to You and raised me up again.

My strength is almost gone, how can I carry on if I can't find You?

And as the thunder rolls, I barely hear You whisper through the rain: I'm with you.

And as your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm, and I will lift my hands, 

and you are who You are, no matter where I am.

And every tear I've cried, You hold in Your hand: You've never left my side.

And though my heart is torn: I will praise You in this storm.

I lift my eyes unto the hills, where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and earth

I lift my eyes unto the hills, where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and earth

And I'll praise you in this storm, and I will lift my hands, 

and you are who You are, no matter where I am.

And every tear I've cried, You hold in Your hand: You've never left my side.

And though my heart is torn: I will praise You in this storm.

And though my heart is torn: I will praise You in this storm."

I hope you enjoy it: http://youtu.be/L5bLvVjJ4MA?list=RDL5bLvVjJ4MA