Victor, not Victim

I know a few women who were horrifically and for long periods of time, sexually abused by relatives. A friend of mine served on a jury where a man was on trial for murder. He too had been sexually abused as a child.

This is an evil, horrific, tragic, thing. I wish the evil doers a speedy trip to hell.

But this is not a story about their evil. This is a story about a few women's triumphs.

I remember the day when I decided I couldn't control my past, but I COULD control my future. It was the day I decided I was no longer going to live in fear, wondering if the next time my (now Ex) walked in the door, was that day going to be my last? I decided to take back control of my life, divorced my unworthy-of-me Ex, and moved on with my life. I decided to Let Go and Let God.

I wasn't always successful. There were days when the only thing which kept me from being vengeful was the sure knowledge that "he" wasn't worth my doing 25 to Life in a state penitentiary. But this post isn't about me, either. Just wanted you to know I've been there, done that, too.

It's about two other women, both of whom still wear scars from their past. They both still live like "everything's a secret", and maybe always will. 

But one of them has started her own business (Google's a wonderful/scary thing) and it looks like things are really breaking her way. I'm glad for her. She deserves success, joy, and good things happening in her life. I hope that the day comes when she feels secure enough, that she realizes that she deserves, truly, all the good things that happen to her. She has chosen to look forward, not backward (I'll acknowledge there might be some denial in there too.)

The other had the exact same tragic childhood circumstances. But she still allows it to color her future, it impacts her weight (someday I'll write a book about that), her relationships, and the relationships she allows her girls to have with her Ex, their father. She has settled comfortably in the belief that everyone is out to harm her, so she makes sure that she harms first, denying others (including her children) joy. I'm sure she does this unconsciously, and can't ever figure out "why bad things keep happening to her," but every self-fulfilling act just adds to the victim mentality.

My heart aches for anyone who has suffered at the hands of an abuser. I know the feeling of wanting to be rescued. I just wish I could beam a magic thought in to their heads: YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO RESCUE YOURSELF. You really are. You've survived abuse, you can survive and thrive in a life without abuse. 

If you have been victimized in the past, choose today to be a victor.

If you are still being victimized, get out, get help, and quit giving them control over you: choose to be a victor.

Whether it is something as serious as abuse, or something as small as a moment of rudeness or insensitivity, YOU can CHOOSE to be a Victor, not a Victim, and open the door to the wonder of life's goodness.

You can do it. I know you can.

God bless you.